Techilicious by Rajiv Makhni: Instagram disasters

If you can’t #BeDifferent on one of the Internet’s most powerful platforms, just #GetOffTheGram

Two incidents led to this column. The first was this headline: “Instagram Star couldn’t sell 36 T-shirts to 2.6 million followers. Influencer bubble is bursting!” Apparently the ‘online star’ had to cancel the launch of her fashion line as none of her 2.6 million followers ‘kept their word’ in promising to buy her tees, and the clothing company she was working with pulled its agreement.

The second was when a close friend (you know who you are) posted a very poignant picture of herself alone with her son with the hashtag #NotFortheGram. The irony of that hashtag was apparently lost on her and the other half a million people who used the same hashtag – in that what wasn’t for Instagram was posted on... wait for it... Instagram!

Which led me to quickly list all my pet peeves about people on Instagram, and the cliches and triteness that most of them fall for.

People who post the exact same picture that has been posted a million times before!

Latte art (been there, drunk that). Clouds and sunsets (postcards have been doing it better for years). Tall glass of beer/wine/alcohol in foreground (the out of focus unsteady shot proves that you didn’t take photos of the first four drinks). Workout pictures/videos (we get it – you work out. Unfortunately your form isn’t correct and you seem to have put on weight since you last posted a workout picture).

The circle of feet and food shots are the most clichéd posts on the platform

Pictures of famous art that you saw when you went abroad (you may be shocked to hear this, but the Mona Lisa in your photo and the other one million posted photos is exactly the same). Food shots (don’t you dare call it food porn anymore, porn is still interesting). Pictures from behind (it was a millennial thing, it’s over, move on). Shots of airplane wings from an airplane window (proof that you were flying economy). Circle of feet shots (I know you’re trying to be artsy but it’s just proof that you think your feet are prettier than your faces). I have a list of about 100 more clichéd pictures that everyone posts. It seems we all live the same lives on Insta!

Inspirational quotes

There is a special place in hell for people who post inspirational quotes images on their Insta feed. To what purpose? Someone else came up with it. Someone else converted it into an image. And you posted it. What do we take it to be? Are you saying you’re this kind of person who leads a life of such wisdom and enlightenment? Or are you dispensing advice to others that they must become like this? May I give you some advice instead? Stop!

Horrendous hashtags

The hashtag game is a high-stake game. Unfortunately, most of you are losing it by posting stuff like #MeBeingMe (who else would you be), #NoFilter or #NoMakeUpLook (while using multiple filters), #SorryNotSorry (overused and over abused), #BreakingTheInternet (nope you’re not), #JustSaying (yeah we know, as does your overly long 300-word post). Maybe the worst ones are #FollowForFollow and #LikeForLike. Nothing proves how badly you’ve hit the bottom of the barrel than you begging for likes and follows as part of your post. #GetOffTheGram!

#Naptime selfies

This one deserves a special mention as it really makes me lose it. This is that perfectly shot picture of you with your eyes closed, sleeping, face looking serene and radiant. And you then post it as “Bae took a picture of me sleeping early morning” or even #Naptime. Come on. It’s obvious you weren’t asleep (too much make-up, hair too perfectly positioned on pillow) and you took the picture yourself (look at that shoulder curving position to take that selfie and your eyes slightly open to check the shot). What is the purpose of this? A #ScreamForAttention?

Many more

I have so many more. People who put up only endorsements and product plugs, people who post from the hotel they just checked into with a photo of the special tray of goodies along with their name (terrible humblebrag, don’t!), people who subtly put up a photo of something unrelated but actually are showing that they are flying first or business class (again, don’t!), people who post stories of the awesome exclusive invites they’ve got along with chocolates and flowers (think about what you’re doing with a private invite) and especially people who post a faraway photo of themselves with #AloneAtLast #AwayFromThe Crowds and #MeWithJustMe (so, who actually took that photo of you?).

Instagram is an amazing platform. One of the most powerful on this planet. Don’t waste it by becoming one of a crowd. A cliché. You don’t have to prove that everyone on Instagram leads the exact same life. #BeDifferent

Rajiv Makhni is managing editor, Technology, NDTV, and the anchor of Gadget Guru, Cell Guru and Newsnet 3

Techilicious appears every fortnight

From HT Brunch, July 21, 2019

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