‘I was on that edge, but I walked back’: Sreesanth opens up on difficult times

In a recent interview with Deccan Herald, Sreesanth opened up on the difficult times of his life. “You know I was scared of the dark at one point,” he says.

India seamer S Sreesanth opened up on the tough times he faced in his career, and revealed that there were times when he had to pretend to smile to keep others around him happy. In 2013, Sreesanth was allegedly involved in the IPL spot-fixing scandal, and he, along with fellow Rajasthan Royal teammates, Ajit Chandilia and Ankit Chavan, were arrested by Delhi police. In 2015, Sreesanth was acquitted of all charges by a special court.

In 2018, the Kerala High Court also revoked the BCCI life ban on him, and a year later, the Supreme Court asked the BCCI to reduce Sreesanth’s ban. Now, with his ban set to end in September this year, Kerala Cricket Association (KCA) have opened the doors for Sreesanth for consideration in the Ranji Trophy team for the upcoming season.

In a recent interview with Deccan Herald, Sreesanth said: “You know I was scared of the dark at one point. I couldn’t step out of the house and I didn’t let anyone step out of the house because I feared that I/ they would get kidnapped. I was in a deep depression at the time,” the bowler said.

“I had all these thoughts in my room but I couldn’t leave my room without a smile on my face because my parents would not have been able to handle it. I didn’t want to show my weakness to them. I was completely on my own in these moments, I was crying all the time trying to figure out where I went wrong and what happened to me. I was living this dual life and it was too much to handle.

“I was Sreesanth to the world and Gopu to the family, but in my room, I didn’t know what I was. That’s why I started discovering hobbies and working on them with a lot of seriousness,” he said.

He further added: “It is something I battled with incessantly in 2013. It was there everywhere I turned, the easy way out, but my family kept me sane. I had to stick around for my family. I knew they needed me.”

“That’s why the news of Sushant Singh’s (Rajput) death affected me so much, besides the fact that he was a good friend. I was on that edge but I walked back because I knew how much it would hurt those who believe in me and love me,” he added.

“I am writing a small book, it should be out in a month or so, about this episode and about how you’re not lonely. And how if you are lonely, it’s not necessarily a bad thing because great things can come from this space of loneliness. These moments of loneliness can give you rare insights into your own being. That’s huge because people don’t appreciate who they are.

“I don’t like talking about this but there was a time when I was struggling to pay my bills. I didn’t know where my next meal would come from. That’s why I am so grateful for all the shows that hired me and trusted in me,” he further said.