Planning to pop the question but fearing rejection? Here are the red flags you need to see

Have you proposed to someone only to face rejection even without knowing what went wrong? If so, we may have the answers that you’ve been looking for.

They say that falling in love or developing feelings — for your friend, neighbour, a colleague or someone in the office or a travel companion — is relatively easy. Whatever your reasons may be to fall in love, you may eventually want to ask them out and start dating. But, the most important test here will be the stage when you propose to your love interest. In fact, some people propose to a person even without dating or knowing them. While there may be some whose proposal’s may be accepted, fate may not be on the side of others. For many, this patch of bad luck (or rather, their string of proposals being rejected), may be a never ending affair.

When you pour out your heart into a proposal only to find out that it is unrequited love, it hurts. For some unfortunate few, they may not even know why they were rejected. But the reasons may be aplenty apart from just the stars not aligning. Here, with the help of experts, we get into the depths of why a person’s proposal may get rejected, no matter how confident you may act or sound.

Whether you like it or not, a person’s caste or religion can be a major factor for the rejection of a proposal. Gauri Karkhanis, clinical and social psychologist, Nanavati Super Speciality Hospital says, “The caste system might’ve been abolished but certain sections of society do not entertain the idea of intercaste marriages at all, let alone different cultures or religious beliefs. A proposal from an individual from different caste, culture or religion may face permanent rejection.”

The timing of the proposal can’t be disregarded. When you propose, you have to be sure the person you love or like is ready for this next step. Viveck Shettyy, motivational speaker says, “The timing of the proposal is of paramount importance. Despite physical intimacy, an individual has to be mentally prepared for the decision. This decision is bound to have a long term impact and hence cannot be acted upon in haste.”

Are you constantly thinking about the person you like or love? Do you constantly call or message this person? If so, then your possessive behaviour can hamper your prospects of proposing someone. Gauri says, “Coming across as too clingy or needy may permanently harm your chances of getting an affirmative answer. People value and need their personal space. An individual who doesn’t understand this need is more likely to be rejected.”

For many, the final say of the family members or even friends is of important even in matters of relationships. Viveck says, “If the immediate family and close friends are opposed to your proposal, then more often than not, there is tremendous pressure on the person concerned not to accept your proposal. Lack of an appropriate environment and conditions to facilitate such a decision is usually a cause for rejection in such cases.”

The person you aim to propose to may have different expectations from the one they want to marry. Gauri says, “How you portray yourself and how the other person perceives you is imperative. The person that you want to propose to may have a set of needs or expectations from their potential life partners. If you don’t fit into this mould of a preconceived set of ideas, it’s likely that you will be rejected.”

In today’s world, where you work and what you earn is important. This aspect can affect your plans to propose to someone. Relationship expert Riddhish K Maru says, “You may be in love with each other and may even be dating for long, but when it comes to accepting someone’s proposal, which is an agreement to marriage, a safe and secure future is always on people’s mind. So, if you make far lesser money than your partner or are from a relatively humble background, you could be rejected.”

It’s very important you understand your partner and their needs before making a proposal. Gauri says, “One of the clearest signs of emotional intelligence is empathy, and recognising and prioritising the needs of your partner has a huge impact on the health of your relationship. We all want to be seen and understood, and having a partner who is tuned into us, and vice versa, is a way to forge and deepen your bond. In the absence if this aspect, a proposal will always get rejected.”

For some, a partner’s looks matter more than anything else, and they maybe treated more as eye candy material over anything else. Kersi Chavda, consultant psychiatry, PD Hinduja Hospital and MRC, says, “Appearances are not permanent. When your partner only pays attention to your looks, features, hair, etc, rather than the personality traits such their sensitivity and respect towards their partner, it is better not to propose as you may face rejection, eventually.”